Big Day

Yesterday was all out crazy.

I caught a 6:30 bus to NYC and was signed in to 2 auditions by the time 8:05 rolled around.

All in all, I went on 4 auditions and was on my way home on the 1 PM bus.

Here's how it all went down.

I started at the ArtsPower audition. They were looking for a more legit/non-belty sound. Great. I have that. That's in my wheelhouse. Bring it!

Well, I had the hugest of brain farts and belted. My voice cracked. It was bad. No callback.

So I hauled it to midtown for the Tokyo Disney audition. I went to the room and noticed that it was basically a ghosttown. Where IS everybody?

That's when I spotted Cinderella's doppleganger. She was marking a freshly learned dance routine. There were a few others in the room as well, all dripping with sweat, marking the routine, and donning numbers on their outfit.

The casting call said that there would be a 'movement assessment,' so this was not uncommon. After 30 minutes in a monitorless room and no direction, I left. Why waste my time with what was clearly a hardcore dance call.

That's when I checked my phone. It turned out that there was, literally, an audition across the street for the musical Ghost, based on the movie of the same name. They were seeing non-union actors, so off I went!

Well, I got in and panicked slightly. Why?

Another empty holding room.

Oh no! Don't tell me this is a dance call too!!!

Luckily, it was not. It was merely a very empty audition.

I waited 10 minutes and was seen. It was awesome.

They were looking for a pop singer. That's cool. The problem is that I have no pop songs in my book.

So I made the smartest move I could make- I went for funny.

I ended up singing All The Men In My Life from Evil Dead: The Musical. It's brassy and belty and a whole lot of fun. Casting just looked at me and went, "You're really funny!"

I'll take it.

Then I went to the Equity (union) building to audition for Steel Magnolias. The rumor on the internet was that they were seeing non-union people, so I figured that I had nothing to lose. I also had a monologue ready to go.

I made it up there (after using my headshot as ID because I couldn't find my little wallet in my big, huge bag) only to find that non-union actors were NOT being seen. So I left my headshot and resume with the monitor, thanked her, grabbed a sip of water from the water fountain, and headed back to Port Authority.

I learned a lot about myself yesterday.

My first audition was pretty terrible. My voice cracked. It would have been very easy to pack it in, throw a pity party, and call it a day. Instead, I went to 3 other calls. The last audition I was seen at, Ghost, was for Broadway and I nailed it after running around town all day. I learned that my stubbornness, at least in this case, is an asset and that I am not detered easily.

The whole day, in the grand scheme of things, was a win. So I didn't get a callback because I chose the wrong material and my voice went wonky. So what? I picked myself up and kept going. That's the important part.

Time to regroup today and prepare myself for 3 days of auditions next week...

Demons

A post drafted a month ago:

Things are rockin' and rollin' over here!

Yesterday was very, very productive. I had a voice lesson, applied for a few print jobs, and got a non-Equity audition time slot for NYMF- the NY Musical Theater Festival. All of this, mind you, was done on my phone in the middle of New York City.

The NYMF audition is on Tuesday. Christy helped me pick out and work on an audition piece. We chose All The Men In My Life from the show Evil Dead: The Musical.

You guys, I am SO EXCITED!

In listening back to the recording of my lesson, there's a discernable difference in my voice. I'm sounding more contemporary and more poppy. Singing is fun again. I can't wait to get out there on Tuesday and knock 'em dead!

With all good, unfortunately, comes some bad. I had to let Rae, my first teacher, go after working together on and off for 10 years. It was really hard to do, but in my heart of hearts I know I made the correct decision.

That said, I am finally, FINALLY making peace with my body. It is a huge victory for me. I've been on a very restrictive diet for a few weeks and the changes in my body are unbelievable. I feel better when I eat the right foods. My stomach has all but flattened out and I'm really digging how awesome my legs look. I've been doing cardio like it's going out of style- running, yoga, and dance classes with a possibility of Zumba in there as well. I'm feeling strong, fit, and motivated. While I know that I probably have another 10 lbs to go to be 'Hollywood thin,' feeling good about what's looking back at me in the mirror is enough of a victory for me.

Time to get going on the day. Lots to do today- kiddies from 10:30-4.

Come On, Irene

In the aftermath of the hurricaine, I have decided to venture into NYC to audition and am currently at the Come On My Baby call.

It is a veritable Equity cattle call. I was told, being non-Equity, that I should leave & come back at 4. That, my dears, is an impossibility due to the fact that my voice lesson will be ending at that time and is 30 blocks away.

However, dear readers, not all has been lost today.

There is a FABULOUS website called auditionupdate.com that let's actors communicate about various auditions in real time. It functions a little bit like a message board & we all help each other out with updates. Well, I checked auditionupdate.com & saw that the audition for a new show called Kinky Boots was seeing non-union actors.

I meandered up there, signed in, got changed, did my makeup, and no sooner did my fanny hit the chair I was sitting in than I was called. With no warm-up & no prep besides a quick glance, I sang.

I sang WELL!!

It's a funny song, and casting ended the audition with, "Ooh! You're funny!"

Win!

This next audition, well, I've already explained how that has gone.

I also got rejected by a literary agent.

I am nothing if not productive!

Another 10 minutes & I get to catch a subway uptown!!

Proactive Solution

I haven't written/blogged in a while for a very specific reason.

My auditions were solid. I was singing well. The casting directors laughed at my monologue. Everyone told me I sounded great.

But nobody gave me a callback.

Friends, I've been too embarassed to write about my auditions because I've felt like a failure. It has not been fun & I found myself on the precipice of quitting. More often than not I have felt defeated- even after good auditions that have yielded no callback.

I started taking a closer look at things. Maybe it wasn't my voice or my height that was holding me back. Perhaps I've become bored by singing the same songs day in and day out for 6 years. I'm no longer challenged.

So I did a Google search for voice teachers. I love Rae, I really do, but she's very old school. I can sing Rogers and Hart like nobody's business, but that gets me nowhere when everyone is looking for a pop singer. I need someone to help guide me, revamp my audition book, and help put me back on my feet. I want to be excited again.

My search led me to Christy McIntosh. Christy and I arranged to meet and figure out if we would work well together.

I could not have asked for anyone sweeter. She and I arrived simultaneously at our Starbucks rendez-vous and got to work. She looked through my books- all 3 of them- and helped weed out the overdone material. Most of my book needed to go. I knew that it needed to be updated, but Christy really gave me some insight into what was lacking and what worked. She was honest and kind and took copious notes.

Her forte is pop and contemporary- my musical nemesis. She was able to see my frustration and asked questions about my musical taste and what I was looking for. As our conversation wore on, I felt very comfortable with her. I asked her about a show that never made it to Broadway that contained a song that was about my life. (It was like the lyricist took pages out of my journal) Like me, Christy likes a challenge. I'm sure that between the 2 of us we'll find it.

I am so excited about this new endeavor. It's been so long since there's been a challenge set in front of me that I've really had to work at to overcome. This could very well be the breath of fresh air I'm looking for to revitalize my career choice.

Head, Meet Wall. Repeat.

Lately I've been having a series of really good auditions. They feel solid. I feel great & sing well. I get all dolled up with the hair & makeup & I look good.

There's just one problem with this whole thing: I'm not getting any callbacks. Not a one.

It's frustrating as all get out.

Today, for example, was a typical case of what happens at an audition.

I got in, checked in with the monitor, filled out the form & handed in 2 headshots & resumes. I got changed, put on my heels, did my makeup, & waited. Once I was called, I waited in line (comparable to a firing squad), & went in when it was my turn.

I said hello, introduced myself to the accompanist, went over the music, & took my mark. Then I sang. I smiled, had fun, and most importantly hit my notes. They were looking at me, smiling as well, making various notes.

What did I get for my efforts?

"Great. Thanks for coming in."

Kill me.

What do I have to do to get a callback around here?!

To help remedy this issue, I've started looking into acting classes in NY. I have to get back in touch with my craft. I need to meet people & help myself get better.

I'm also going to enlist the help of a friend & set up mock auditions. She comes from a theatrical family & can certainly be of more help than just about anyone else I know.
This no-callback issue needs to be fixed asap. I don't get it at all.

My frustration is mounting & all I want to do is curl up & cry.

Help?

Silly Alarm Clock...

I have been away for quite a while, fair readers, and for that I apologize.

Here is, at long last, what has transpired since the last update.

StrawHat has come & gone with little to show for my efforts. In preparing, I managed to drop nearly 15 lbs & feel spectacular about myself. The day of the audition was fairly uneventful. I got up, commuted in to NYC, found Pace University & otherwise had a pleasant day. My song was OK. It wasn't wonderful, but it was better than last time. I rocked the monologie & felt like I had a good chance at being called back.

Well, I got a callback...

For a teaching job that pays $200 a week.

Oh well. I figure it's one callback more than I got last time. For that, I call it a win & take some good vibes with me.

I've since auditioned for nearly anything I could get my hands on.

Most recently I went to a call for Chorus Line & Hair. Here's how it shook out.

I arrived at the studio bright & early. My efforts were rewarded by being #81 on the day. 81. I was there before 8:30. That's typical.

So I went into the holding room & found a spot. It filled up FAST. There were at least 150 girls in holding & a solid 150 in the hallways & lobby. The theater, I'm convinced, was vastly unprepared for such a turn out.

They panicked.

Turns out they were taking 15 girls at a time (hooray for typing!) and needed us to do a time step & double pirouette.

Hmm...

That's odd...

So I went with it.

The names were called and my group of 15 (lemmings) were hearded (off a cliff) into the audition room. There was a table of gentlemen who reiterated what we were to do before basically saying "and go!"

I got hearded into the group with the lythe & limber. Lucky me.

The first girl went & was perfect. Same with the next 2. Then it was my turn.

For the record, my time step was rather awesome. I set myself up for the double pirouette, took a deep breath and...turned crooked!

The floor was slick & my jazz sneakers slipped a bit and I made it around once ok. The second rotation was all about saving face & staying upright.
So there I am, clad in my leotard & tights amongst these beautiful dancers & I'm about to fall down mid-pirouette. I salvaged it the best I could and ended it with jazz fingers & the cheesiest smile I could muster. I figure making them laugh was better than nothing.
In that regard, mission accomplished. I was successfully the only dancer who made them chuckle.

Everyone else nailed their steps. Bitches. :)

And truly, I mean that in a very lighthearted way. They were wonderful & those who got callbacks absolutely deserved them.

So now I'm back on the audition trail in another holding room for another show. This one seems infinitely more organized than the last with much fewer attendees. They started at 10 and are already through the first 20. Being #55 at this call won't be as crazy as the last call.

Breakdown:

Show- 7 Brides For 7 Brothers
Role- I'm hoping for Alice, the youngest bride

Keep your fingers crossed that there's no double pirouette involved!

That's Size 2 To You, Mister!

I have been making a concerted effort to eat better and go to ballet class. Since starting this regime, I have lost 10 lbs.

For the first time in a very long time (read: 15 years), I feel good about myself and by body.

That's why this morning was so upsetting.

I went to my usual ballet class this morning. There were 3 of us and I was, as usual, the youngest. I was also the sickest, as I have been fighting a terrible cold and have learned to hate mornings. I can't breathe through my nose, I hack up my lungs, and I generally feel rather icky.

All I managed to do today was the barre. I could barely breathe and I was just plain miserable. It was awful and I ended up sitting out for the rest of the class. This is not the usual routine.

After class, I approached my teacher about making a video of my dancing abilities. I've had interest from a theater and they certainly want a video ASAP. When I explained the situation, the teacher agreed to help with the video under the pretense that I waited a month. My silence urged him into saying that I was 'still too heavy.'

Strike 1

He then proceded to tear me a new one about how heavy I was. I got angry, bit it back in order to keep my cool, and cried. I felt like crap and I was looking for help on a project- not advice from a nutritionist.

Strike 2

I calmly stated that we would continue this another time and removed myself from the situation. I went into the bathroom and grabbed a tissue.

He proceded to yell from the ballet room, "Deborah, don't do this! Don't leave it like this!"

I shot out of the bathroom and said back, "Then don't call me fat!"

The response?

"But you ARE! You're too fat!"

Ever see a killer whale chase after a seal? The rest of it kinda went along those lines.

Strike 3. It was ON.

From there it was an all out screaming match, one that I am proud to say that I did not start.

Me: I lost 10 lbs! What more do you want from me?!
"Teacher"- No you didn't. Who are you kidding? You're bigger now than you were when you started!
Me: I'm 110 lbs!
T- Then you have to cut your carbs! Whatever you're putting in your mouth is making you fat!

It kept going along those lines with him blocking the staircase and thus the way out. I was completely trapped. The whole time he was insisting that he was trying to help. It was relentless and oppressive.

So finally, I hurled my last grenade.

"I hired you to teach me how to dance- not call me fat!"

Guess who got offended and told me to leave?

I did just that. My little size 2 butt was down the stairs in 2 seconds flat.

I never looked back.

However, I was an emotional wreck and still am to some extent. Back I went to my parents' house. It was a wonder I could drive, being that I was shaking and crying to the point where I could barely breathe. It took me well over an hour to calm down.

Then my phone rang.

Guess who?

Guess who ignored the call?

The voicemail was an apology of sorts, more concerned about the video than anything else. He sounded upset, which made me rather happy. Good. Let him be upset. I don't need to give a 'man' like him nearly $50 of my really hard earned money a WEEK, $200 a month that I really need. It's money back in my pocket. Let him suffer.

The moral of the story is that having a backbone and standing up for myself has never felt so good. I was able to peel off my layers (last count was 4) of spandex, look at myself in the mirror and say "He's crazy! I have a rockin' body!"

It has been a very trying day, but a war has been won on behalf of my self esteem. I take from this the knowledge that I am strong both physically and mentally and that I will not be pushed around.

That said, I'm exhausted and ready for bed. :)

A Big Smile

I have a big smile on my face tonight. It has been there since 11 o'clock this morning.

Why?

"You've lost weight. You look good!"

Said my ballet teacher, who used to criticize my weight at every turn. Compliments from him are difficult to earn, so this was a big deal.

Audition tomorrow at 3:05 PM- just in time for the snow! Keep your fingers crossed!

I Held My Nose, I Closed My Eyes...

I have the memory of a fruit fly lately, so I'm not sure if this was mentioned in my previous entry. Forgive me if it was.

I signed up for Backstage a few days ago. Backstage, for those non-showbiz kids, is a well respected industry insider newspaper that arrives weekly. Due to new technological advances, Backstage is also available online. I bought the yearly subscription to Backstage that included both the hard copy and full internet access.

That said, I have started to submit myself for shows, showcases, tours, and just about anything that I can get my hands on.

Tonight I received 2 emails from companies I had mailed my headshot and resume to previously, resulting in audition time slots for both this week and next.

So. So. EXCITED!!

Keep your fingers crossed!

It's Official!!!!!

I GOT THE STRAWHAT AUDITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now to work even harder!

I haven't eaten anything mildly delicious or satisfying in the last 24 hours in a bid to lose 10 lbs in the next 6 weeks and 5 days. I've become addicted to moisturizers to make sure my skin looks decent. So far I am losing this battle...

In stepping on the scale, I have maintained my weight. I was mildly disappointed before I realized that the last week has included abusing my liver more times than I care to admit, pizza, cheese, really yummy food, and chocolate. None of this was productive in my bid to shed some weight. I'll take maintenence, thank you very much. That weigh in could have been disasterous.

Yesterday, I signed up for a year's subscription to Backstage magazine. I have already submitted myself for at least half a dozen shows/productions and have been notified to various auditions. This will be my year!

That said, ballet kicked my butt something fierce today. I took a nap for well over an hour and can already feel my muscles barking. Tomorrow morning will not be fun. I can feel it already. I'm so excited!

None of this is very fluid and I realize is more along the lines of train of thought. My next thought, dear readers, is about bed.

Goodnight!